Thursday, January 15, 2009

The List: 10 Insane Chick Tracts


Ahh...Jack Chick. Is there anyone more bugshit insane than you? The amount of unintentional humor you have created almost makes up for the awful fundamentalist brainwashing pamphlets foisted upon an unwitting populace.

It was hard to pick just ten, but I think I have found a pretty broad range of Chick's psychosis.

10. Apes, Lies, and Ms. Henn

Jack takes on EVILution with the tale of Brave little Susy Barnes. I like the fact that the teach is clearly not married as denoted in the title, and the many things that Jack is likely inferring with this.

What the hell is wrong with the little bald kids face? Is he Hydrocephalic?

As the picture shows, Susy is pointing out God's words in Tyrannasaurians 15:4.

9. The Devil's Night
Photobucket're kind of a bitch.

Wait...why does Susy's grandfather look like Dr. Quest?

Halloween demands human sacrifices! This is, of course, the exact opposite of the festivals origins. Samhain was largely a harvest and ancestor honoring event.

Why did Susy choose a Santa suit? Come on Jack, isn't Santa evil too?

8. Fairy Tales

Did George Lucas write this tract? Now go kill the younglings in the name of Darth Santa!

7. In the Beginning

"But before that, there were dinosaurs who were a bit crap so fuck 'em."
- Eddie Izzardius 101:4

More Dinosaur nonsense. Like many creationists, Chick likes to use the Bible as proof of The Bible.

6. First Bite

This vampire is scarier than the ones in Twilight. What in the utter hell is going on in this tract? Is there some sort of vampiric messiah in the Bible? Tomb of Dracula is not Biblical canon Jack, even though it's probably a better read.

5. Angels?

Satan created Christian Rock?

OK, I'll give him that one.

4. The Last Generation

Apparently the faith healer shops in the DC Universe. You could probably replace the made up NWO in the strip and the meaning would be exactly the same.

3. Moving On Up

Few million years? But of course, 6 days sounds much more plausible.

2. The Accident

Damn, and it really tied the room together.

1. Dark Dungeons

The mother of all Chick tracts.

I couldn't imagine a DnD group could get a successful witches coven off the ground. After every prayer or spell there would be three hours of arguing about experience points.

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